A new month brings in the next chapter of Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, where we head off from this site to parts unknown.  Enjoy.

• SeriouslyOMG This comes from one of my top referring sites for June.  It is everything pop culture, and I can see this being bookmarked in my Entertainment folder.  For those of you who long for Sixteen Candles, there is a review of Molly Ringwald’s new series on ABC Family, The Secret Life of the American Teenager.  I can see us TiVo-ing this for the summer.
• Agent Bedhead This looks like an absolute home run in the celebrity viewing genre.  Nicole Kidman diatribe followed by Kate Moss butt shot and Anti-Sarah Connor reference.  Thank you sir, may I have another?
• Ghost of a Flea This is worthy of return probably for the ongoing Now is the Time at the Flea When We Dance posts, sending you into Euro-Asian dancing bliss (see below).  One of the best Canadian blogs on culture (I’ll leave the comments to you).

• C. Buddha’s Hasty Musings This is worth the visit if only for the Indian baby dropping video.
• Tokyo Mango I actually think this is a site I’d like to check out again and again.  My Interview with the Dalai Lama’s Youngest Brother is a treat, along with lots of photos of neat stuff like the Teddy Bear pastry maker and Mario World wall graphics.
• Bohemian Reject A relatively new blog (started in May).  The Spice Test video is priceless (crazy Scandis do shots of a teaspoon of random spices, with much regurgitation and other reactions following).  These are pure spice, no liquid added.

Followed by another.  He rates each spice on a scale of 1-12 (unknown why this scale).  His play-by-play is pretty funny.  The last spice is Fish Mix, a spice I am actually a bit unfamiliar with…

A very good sextet of sites.  Enjoy.

Joe Sharkey at the NY Times writes this morning about the TSA’s approval of new laptop carrier designs which will allow the traveller to keep their laptop in the case as they pass through airport security.

Strange that they had to come up with something I used for seven years.  I bought my Lapdog from Shaun Jackson Design in 2000 or early 2001, I can’t remember which, and I finally tossed it away early this year.  It was a breeze heading through airports all over the world, just unvuckle the fastenings, unfold the Lapdog, and fire it on the conveyor belt.  No need to take it out of the laptop even.  After 9/11, the TSA eventually required that I (along with all other users) had to take the laptop out of this case.

I remember seeing Scotty Nguyen slowly making his way through the Atlanta airport a couple years ago with his wife or girlfriend (I have no idea what his marital status was at the time).  I’m not a gawker nor am I a hound, and I decided to simply watch him as he walked down the terminal.  He was a very slight man, and the only tell he had was his Oklahoma casino jacket.

He takes down the $50k HORSE event this morning at the World Series of Poker, adding to his 11th place finish in last year’s WSOP ME.  I must admit that I’ve always thought of him as a caricature rather than one of the top players in the world.  Yet here is a guy who has now won five WSOP bracelets, including two Omaha 8 or better titles, a PLO bracelet, the 1998 WSOP Main Event, and now the biggest cash of his career, the $50k HORSE title.  This is no fluke.  This vaults Scotty right up there in the annals of the greatest tournament players in the game.

NY Times article today on the prop bets of poker pros.  It includes one of the first poker blogs I ever read, Life of a Poker Pro’s Luke Kim.  Luke made the jump to Vegas several years ago, and his site is a hidden gem if you’ve never read it.

In case you need a little head start, here are a half dozen or so romantic ideas to get you going.

1. Flowers I’m a huge fan of flowers of all kind, and the more the merrier.  Head to a Fresh Market or Whole Foods and grab two dozen roses, Gerber daisies, or just grab bunches of flowers.  And do this at the most random of times, like a Saturday morning or Thursday afternoon.
2. The Night Away This is one of our favorite things to do, and it’s something that requires a little work on your part if it is a surprise.  Get a babysitter you trust, and negotiate a good rate to come by at 4:00 on a Friday and stay with the kids until 4:00 Saturday.  Plan the menu for the kids, and work on anything required to keep them having fun while your gone.  Make sure your lady’s schedule is cleared the following day.  Then find one of the nicest or most interesting hotels in your city and book a room for the evening.  Pack your overnight bag for her and for you, then sneak it into your trunk.  Add a terrific restaurant for Friday evening, head to your normal dinner place, then tell her that you’ve arranged a new place.  Then let the rest of the 24 hours unfold, whether it be a show, movie, concert, art gallery, whatever she likes to do.  We’ve done this at Ritz Carlton and the W, and it has been both a romantic and relaxing time.
3. Massage This can be a his-and-hers massage or just for her.  If you’re ambitious, then you get a little skilled up on how to give a massage yourself.  The feet are a great place to start (see below).  Giving a good massage is actually hard as you want to move quicker than you should.  Take your time and focus on her.  Add oil and candles to complete the mood.
Instructions for Beginners : Swedish Massage for the Feet — powered by ExpertVillage.com
4. Breakfast in Bed Tried and true.  It requires some preparation the evening before (make sure you have whatever you want to make.  This might mean a quick trip to the market on the way home to get berries, flowers, eggs, juices, and breads.  Sneak out in the morning and put your breakfast together.  I think smaller quantities and more variety works best, so maybe some fruit, berries, an egg or two, croissant, hot tea or coffee, some granola, a couple fresh juices.  Then share the breakfast with her while still serving her.  Once she’s done, draw a hot bath for her, adding some rose petals and other great bath products (just a little).  Then give her some time alone with her iPod and favorite book.  Get the kids out of the house (maybe take them out for breakfast after cleaning up your breakfast mess).
5. Touch Her This is something I struggle with constantly.  How do I approach my wife in a novel way?  If my touch was for the first time, or if my hand brushed a woman’s arm who I worked with and was infatuated with, emotions and hormones would surge through me.  When you have been with the woman of your dreams for five or ten years, her hand becomes too familiar.  You may have to come up with your own artificial tricks to renew the excitement and mystery of touching your true love.  Take her hand in both of your hands.  Run your hands through her hair and massage her scalp.  Sit behind her on your sofa and wrap your arms all the way around her.  Close your eyes, imagine her arm or side or thigh, then move your hands along them.
6. Create a Love Note I am no writer, but some of the greatest words I’ve ever penned have come in the form of love notes to my wife.  Some have come on an occasion, while others have been moments of spontaneity.  I would suggest praying about and for her before you start, as well as having photos and artifacts to inspire you.  Then just let it all out.

These are just a few ideas, but hopefully they can help you to add a little romance in one of the least romantic times of the year, the dog-days of summer.  Any other ideas?

Monkeys do it.  Vampire bats do it.  Even bees do it.  Altruism is an action from one to another that gives no benefit to the giver.  Often in nature, the altruistic beast is actually diminished in some way; i.e., weakened, put at risk, or even destined to death.  These are not conscious decisions but are DNA-coded behaviors, making the charitable provider an unwitting accomplice.

For humans, true altruism is difficult to get a handle on.  Compassion is often confused with altruism.  There is no requirement for a person to move from compassion to altruism.  Want to help those less fortunate for a tax deduction and a warm heart?  Go ahead.

The truly altruistic act of romance is rare.  Romance has its own hierarchy based on expectations for what is returned.

• Blind Romanticism (the desperate actions of mainly pleading men, hoping that some heart-shaped red pursuit will lead to the recipient turning around and reaching for the romanticist)
• Romantic Repentance (digging yourself out of a hole)
• Romantic Manipulation (leading the recipient to decisions through fuzzy, rose-colored glasses)
• Romantic Nurturing (actions that lead to a deepening of affection and emotional connectivity)
• Romance as Altruism (giving with nothing expected in return; pure selflessness)

I find that I have become much more self-centered the last two years in our relationship than I ever was.  I’m not sure of the causes, but it has become more common for me to choose myself over my wife.  Granted, it is mostly small things, and it may reflect a growth of individual in our marriage yet not at the expense of couple.  My wife is free to enjoy time with her best friend, time with her different groups.  She is better for it, and I am no worse for it.  Whether these times to ourselves are a big deal or not (or even noticed) really isn’t the point.

As a man, a husband, a lover, the opportunity to put yourself and focus squarely on the woman in your life is rare, or at least I think it is.  Cut away all of the buzzing of life, the gnats of pressures and children and chores and tasks snipping at your ankles.  Push through the legacy of the past, the failures of relationship, the tricks of coupledom.  Get through all of this without diminishing it or neglecting it, then place all of your energies on her with a level of subtlety or brashness that you’ve never reached.  Is it possible?

Romantic altruism can be the great venture, no question, but it can also be the spontaneous moment of deep love.  Can you hold her face and gaze into her eyes and lose yourself there?  Can you move your heart to a new place, not contingent on anything she is or does or can become?  Can your capacity for love grow without intervention, without the risk of loss to another or to death or to suffereing?

Summertime now, a day like any other day.  Can this be a new day in your heart and mine, in your eyes and mine?

One of the neat parts of the new site design is the Category names and icons that we developed, a fun way of bucketing these thoughts into different categories.  There are a few with no links to date, the most blatant omission being Loving.

In deciding to move toward a life blog, I first decided that it’s OK not to be an expert in a specific topic.  I think what makes this site interesting is that I put my introspection, self-reflection, candor, and probably wallowing right out there.  If it is interesting, so be it.  If it is helpful, well that’s OK as well.

I’ve always felt like I was a romantic man, but my idea of romance has changed dramatically as I’ve matured and as I’ve been married for close to seventeen years.  Romance used to be dispersing romantic items to a woman: candlelight, flowers, locale, sweet words, a dance.  These are all components that are wonderful regardless of the occasion.  I am a big flower buyer, moreso with the cost of flowers dropping dramatically.  Head to a grocery store or Whole Foods, and you’ll find $20-40 can buy a gorgeous bouquet or two dozen roses (the more the merrier).

We’ve been suckered into believing that being romantic is mimicking a movie or television show, or that being romantic is an extra half a minute of foreplay before getting it on.  Let me give you one man’s thoughts, hardly definitive on the subject though as I’d like to really get into this in detail.

First, romance demands nothing in return.  This has to be the hardest hurdle for men to leap when it comes to being romantic.  Most of us are really just puppies; we just want to be patted on the head and told we’ve done a good job.  This is true for handling some rare household chore or some childcare task, and it is true for romance.  Too often, a romantic act is actually a plea for some sort of recognition for the man.  “Look, I’m romantic!” we shout.  Recognition is wonderful, don’t get me wrong, but the point of romance is to center all of your energy, heart, and mental capacity on her.  I wrote this and come back to it after going upstairs for more coffee, and it is so easy to simply fire those words out and move on.  This little gem, however, is the embodiment of romance.  How difficult is it to put your own self-centeredness aside and focus every once of your being on the girl or woman you love?  It has always been difficult, whether we live today in our Crackberry, 24/7 plugged-in world or 200 years ago when loving a woman was a character flaw of a spineless man.

Let me take you through an exercise that illustrates this a bit.  Close your eyes and think of your favorite sports moment.  It may be a live event, watching some great game, or maybe some individual day of glory in your own life.  Remember the energy, the adrenalin shooting through your veins, the euphoria and elation?

Now, purge your mind, and close your eyes again, and put 100% of your mind on the girl you love.  Touch the back her neck, her cheek.  Smell her hair.  See her smile.  Wrap your arms around her.  Watch her walk along a path, oblivious to your presence.

Maybe it’s easy for you, but it is so difficult for me.  And so rare.  So rare to put all of me squarely on her, with nothing asked for in return.  Yes, romance demands nothing in return, but it also starts with me and you.  Most of us aren’t exactly experts at subtlety, so the ability to focus so much and impart such a small touch in return is hardly natural.

Romance is best when it isn’t a special hat to be adorned on a certain date or event. Valentine’s Day, Anniversaries, and Birthdays are the top three days of Romance, and I’m sure some of the most romantic times with a man come during these times.  Yet, there is something a bit artificial in being told by Madison Avenue that it is time to be romantic.  More endearing and impactful are the romantic acts of spontaneity and of out-of-the-blue romantic journeys.  Romance as improv, taking a right turn in an evening’s journey that is all about her is a breath of fresh air.  The same can be said for the typical Thursday that suddenly unfolds before her eyes, with a babysitter arriving unannounced at 4:00PM with a note to get dressed for an evening of mystery, a car whisking her away to her favorite shop where a gift card is waiting, then takes her to the small Italian bistro where you are waiting in your best, with candles ablaze.

Romance isn’t a special trick, don’t mistake it for that.  It isn’t a tried and true out-pitch or cross-over dribble ready to be rolled out whenever we’re in trouble.  Romance should be extra-special on your part, with delightful results to follow.  You can have a single rose on a pillow or a hundred filling a bedroom.  “It’s the thought that counts” is truer in describing romance than probably anything else, especially when romance is premediated.  Focus on her with love relentlessly, and let that take you to the what’s of romance.

Think of this as a preface, and I’ll explore the topic of romance in more detail the rest of this week.  Hope it’s a good start.

I’m a daily blogger who needs to get things out.  As I’ve been overwhelmed by work the last three weeks, it’s been difficult to get me from inside to dumped on here.

I’ve really been at 110% for several weeks, and it has been a bit strange for me.  I have barely seen my boys since they returned from Hilton Head.  They’ve been here, and we’ve walked past one another, but I haven’t really interacted much with them.  It’s not that I’ve mistreated them or my wife, I’ve just been unable to take a breath and focus on each of them individually or even as a group.

Working alone most of the time definitely affects you.  It gives one a false sense of how much you’re getting done, overshooting and underestimating regularly.  I may be much more productive than I realize, I don’t know.

In case you missed it, here is an incredible article from the Sunday NY Times Magazine.  It’s called When Mom and Dad Share it All, and it is a fascinating exploration into the world of the distribution of labor in the household among husband and wife.  Whether you struggle with this or not (and especially if you’re oblivious to the whole topic), I’d highly recommend reading it.

My wife and I used to have a very structured process to sharing the workload of the home before kids.  We divided chores then drew any bad chores from a hat, sort of like a draft.  We then could trade them back and forth if required.  Fast forward seventeen years and three boys, and I work while she does the housework for the most part (who am I kidding–for the TOTAL part).  The article is pretty sobering, especially from someone who does little around the house.

I stumbled upon this site from an extremely progressive designer in Slovensky.  It helps me creatively just to see stuff like this from time to time (can’t paste an image of the site in, so you’ll have to give me the benefit of the doubt). Let me know if you have any interesting sites yourself.

I’m sitting in the Pittsburgh International Airport after spending two days with my client.  Thanks to the Alternate Security Checkpoint, I joined five other people to whisk through the TSA folks in three minutes rather than the thirty-minute cattle drive I left behind.

I miss feeling valued, and it is by far the biggest driver of my self-worth professionally.  When I lived in Corporate America, I shunned public recognition as much as possible (or liked to think I did).  Although I liked to think I was above it, I always liked being a high-potential fast-tracker, too young to be at whatever level I was at.  Today, I thrive best when I am valued, when what I provide to someone is appreciated and valued.  I don’t like when I am just a transactional provider of some product or service.

I am valued by this client, and all the hard work and sacrifice of the last few weeks is worth it.  A few of comments from my key client as well as some of his staff:  “Can we work with him rather than these other guys we work with?”  “We need him more involved.”  “I’ve seen alot of these, and this didn’t suck!”  The last one is heading to some marketing material of mine soon enough.

I passed out on the bed of my corner luxury suite in an old-town Pittsburgh hotel, forgetting to ask for the wake-up call at 4:00AM which would get me at the airport in time to fill-up my rental car, turn it in, move through Security, and make it to my 6:45AM flight.  No wake-up call from the Front Desk, but I opened my eyes at 4:04AM.

My view as the sun set last night.