One of the neat parts of the new site design is the Category names and icons that we developed, a fun way of bucketing these thoughts into different categories.  There are a few with no links to date, the most blatant omission being Loving.

In deciding to move toward a life blog, I first decided that it’s OK not to be an expert in a specific topic.  I think what makes this site interesting is that I put my introspection, self-reflection, candor, and probably wallowing right out there.  If it is interesting, so be it.  If it is helpful, well that’s OK as well.

I’ve always felt like I was a romantic man, but my idea of romance has changed dramatically as I’ve matured and as I’ve been married for close to seventeen years.  Romance used to be dispersing romantic items to a woman: candlelight, flowers, locale, sweet words, a dance.  These are all components that are wonderful regardless of the occasion.  I am a big flower buyer, moreso with the cost of flowers dropping dramatically.  Head to a grocery store or Whole Foods, and you’ll find $20-40 can buy a gorgeous bouquet or two dozen roses (the more the merrier).

We’ve been suckered into believing that being romantic is mimicking a movie or television show, or that being romantic is an extra half a minute of foreplay before getting it on.  Let me give you one man’s thoughts, hardly definitive on the subject though as I’d like to really get into this in detail.

First, romance demands nothing in return.  This has to be the hardest hurdle for men to leap when it comes to being romantic.  Most of us are really just puppies; we just want to be patted on the head and told we’ve done a good job.  This is true for handling some rare household chore or some childcare task, and it is true for romance.  Too often, a romantic act is actually a plea for some sort of recognition for the man.  “Look, I’m romantic!” we shout.  Recognition is wonderful, don’t get me wrong, but the point of romance is to center all of your energy, heart, and mental capacity on her.  I wrote this and come back to it after going upstairs for more coffee, and it is so easy to simply fire those words out and move on.  This little gem, however, is the embodiment of romance.  How difficult is it to put your own self-centeredness aside and focus every once of your being on the girl or woman you love?  It has always been difficult, whether we live today in our Crackberry, 24/7 plugged-in world or 200 years ago when loving a woman was a character flaw of a spineless man.

Let me take you through an exercise that illustrates this a bit.  Close your eyes and think of your favorite sports moment.  It may be a live event, watching some great game, or maybe some individual day of glory in your own life.  Remember the energy, the adrenalin shooting through your veins, the euphoria and elation?

Now, purge your mind, and close your eyes again, and put 100% of your mind on the girl you love.  Touch the back her neck, her cheek.  Smell her hair.  See her smile.  Wrap your arms around her.  Watch her walk along a path, oblivious to your presence.

Maybe it’s easy for you, but it is so difficult for me.  And so rare.  So rare to put all of me squarely on her, with nothing asked for in return.  Yes, romance demands nothing in return, but it also starts with me and you.  Most of us aren’t exactly experts at subtlety, so the ability to focus so much and impart such a small touch in return is hardly natural.

Romance is best when it isn’t a special hat to be adorned on a certain date or event. Valentine’s Day, Anniversaries, and Birthdays are the top three days of Romance, and I’m sure some of the most romantic times with a man come during these times.  Yet, there is something a bit artificial in being told by Madison Avenue that it is time to be romantic.  More endearing and impactful are the romantic acts of spontaneity and of out-of-the-blue romantic journeys.  Romance as improv, taking a right turn in an evening’s journey that is all about her is a breath of fresh air.  The same can be said for the typical Thursday that suddenly unfolds before her eyes, with a babysitter arriving unannounced at 4:00PM with a note to get dressed for an evening of mystery, a car whisking her away to her favorite shop where a gift card is waiting, then takes her to the small Italian bistro where you are waiting in your best, with candles ablaze.

Romance isn’t a special trick, don’t mistake it for that.  It isn’t a tried and true out-pitch or cross-over dribble ready to be rolled out whenever we’re in trouble.  Romance should be extra-special on your part, with delightful results to follow.  You can have a single rose on a pillow or a hundred filling a bedroom.  “It’s the thought that counts” is truer in describing romance than probably anything else, especially when romance is premediated.  Focus on her with love relentlessly, and let that take you to the what’s of romance.

Think of this as a preface, and I’ll explore the topic of romance in more detail the rest of this week.  Hope it’s a good start.

Tags: romance

This entry was posted on Monday, June 23rd, 2008 at 6:42 am and is filed under Loving. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.