For over three years, I started most every day pouring my thoughts, torments, and emotions on some blog.  The locale has shifted, but the ritual remained.  Jumping away for I’m not sure how long (maybe two week?) has had its own interesting twists.  The first day, I felt almost panicky, although I’d probably typed for a day or three before I finally stopped.  After three or four days, I started to consciously avoid this admin panel, feeling a different kind of anxiety.  I didn’t want to document much of anything inside of me.

I’ve gradually driven away my fans, my lurkers, those whom I revolted (I doubt there were many).  Now, I have a few deep friends and those who accidentally stumble upon the site.  For many months, I was consumed by poker while trying to live a normal life and work a normal day.  The last ten weeks, it’s been launching a youth soccer club that took the place of poker.  I’d felt I needed to do something constructive with all of that discretionary time and energy, so I focused it all in a new direction.

I haven’t enjoyed getting yelled at by parents who feel their daughter or son has been wronged or should be playing professionally by now.  I haven’t enjoyed being told I was clueless or incompetent by other parent-coaches.  I haven’t enjoyed feeling the weight of the eyes of 150 parents and 75 boys and girls, trying to control things that aren’t in my control.  I haven’t liked being called a control freak as I had to do 150 things to get this where it is today.

The bigger challenge for me is figuring out why I have to have some huge avocation that saps every ounce of energy and attention from me when I can’t do the same for my business and career.  This summer has been quite similar to my WSOP summer in that I was consumed.

I’ve lost alot of traction and energy for this site along the way.  I had a new vision when I redesigned the site to broaden my content, to share more of myself in a wider array of topics.  Maybe I’ll get it back.  Maybe this has been the final part of a cathartic process to relaunch my blog.  We’ll see.

For those of you who have occasionally peaked to see if there is anyone here, I appreciate that.  For those who have continued to encourage me, thanks as well.  I hope I am back soon, and I hope others are as well.  I hope so.

Tags: blog

This entry was posted on Thursday, August 28th, 2008 at 5:36 pm and is filed under Working. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.