Not that it matters in the grand scheme of our lives in the midst of a recession, a housing market hardly at its basement, and a world changing in spite of us, but the World Series of Poker just made a change that significantly changes the most coveted title in poker forever. The WSOP Main Event, as reported by USA Today, will have a break of 117 days from the time the Final Table is set at nine players (14 July) to the time play restarts on 9 November. The Final Table will be broadcast two days later on 11 November.

Is this a great thing for ESPN and the fans? Absolutely. For viewers, we now have more of a reality show feel to the WSOP, watching throughout the fall to see who makes the Final Table then seeing the last nine battle to a new champion virtually real-time.

For poker as a competition (similar to a sport), it is ridiculous. Basically, we have two events within one: the WSOP Main Event Satellite (where there are cash prizes until you get to the final nine if you make the money) then the WSOP Final Table (almost four months later, where nine finalists start with different chip counts and play a SNG). Maybe I’m overreacting a bit, but this changes the competitive landscape of the Final Table tremendously.

Less experienced players can be coached up for four months, a no-brainer to any and every player at the Final Table. Other players can be game planned ad nauseum, players can practice and practice to fix leaks and tells. You name it, it can be done with this much time in between the events.

It also dramatically increases the opportunity for collusion at the Final Table. Remember, the difference between 1st and 9th last year was around $7.5mil. That’s a pretty significant sum of cash, a huge incentive for players to stretch their values for a certain larger payout.

For those making the Final Table, the cash will become much more significant for sponsorship if they use their heads. Ratings will be significantly higher for the Final Table, which should not only make the cash outlay increase from the poker sites (if the players negotiate well) but should also bring out the mainstream, consumer marketers. With TiVo and other DVR’s pounding away at commercial effectiveness, player logowear and usage is a white-hot commodity in marketing. Watch any NASCAR race and see how many drivers accidentally take a swig of Coke Zero if you want some evidence.

Maybe I’m just a dinosaur. Bud Selig obviously is not a steward of the game of baseball. Is Roger Goodell? More yes than no. Is David Stern? He seems to be a great combination of steward of professional baseball with marketer supreme.

I’ve always felt like poker was more like boxing and tennis than it was like the PGA or the NFL. Too many factions focused too much on marketing and revenue and not enough on overall growth and field of competition. Maybe it’s an unfair comparison, to view televised poker as more than it is: an event where individuals can put their own money up and have a chance at winning a mountain of cash, living their dream in the process.

Any opinions on this? Is the WSOP a marketing event? Does it matter if the answer is yes?

EDIT

Press release from the WSOP

WORLD SERIES OF POKER® ANNOUNCES ENHANCEMENT TO 2008 MAIN EVENT FINAL TABLE FORMAT; POKER’S MOST PRESTIGIOUS EVENT CHANGES THE QUESTION FROM ‘WHO WON?’ TO ‘WHO WILL WIN?’

Final Nine Players Will Square-Off This November on ESPN

LAS VEGAS – May 1, 2008 – The World Series of Poker® (WSOP) Presented by Milwaukee’s Best Light today announced a groundbreaking change that will more closely align the televised presentation of the world’s largest, richest and most prestigious poker tournament with other premier sports broadcasts. he last nine players of the $10,000 World Championship of No-Limit Texas Hold’em, known as the Main Event, will compete on November 9-10 instead of the originally scheduled date of July 16.

“Our intent is to provide an even bigger stage for our players,” said Jeffrey Pollack, Commissioner of the World Series of Poker. “Now fans and viewers will ask ‘who will win’ our coveted championship bracelet instead of seeing ‘who won.’ The excitement and interest surrounding our final nine players will be unprecedented.” This change in how the Main Event final table is staged will bring the excitement and drama of high-stakes WSOP tournament play closer to millions of fans around the globe. All other 2008 WSOP tournament structures and schedules remain unchanged. This announcement affects only the final nine players of Event #54, the Main Event World Championship.

Continuing the trailblazing efforts that have made the WSOP the industry standard, this move is being made in close collaboration with ESPN, the television rightsholder of the WSOP, and the WSOP Players Advisory Council (PAC), the commissioner-appointed committee of professional and amateur poker players who provide guidance and perspective to the WSOP leadership team. “It’s an exciting time for the World Series of Poker and ESPN,” said Jamie Horowitz, senior producer, ESPN Content Development. “This adjustment will add a new element to a very successful and popular event. We look forward to documenting all of the exciting stories that make the WSOP Main Event the seminal competition in all of poker.”

“This is a huge step forward for poker and more specifically poker on television because it will help create more buzz around the final table and that is good for all of us,” said Daniel Negreanu, a WSOP PAC member, three-time World Series of Poker bracelet winner and one of today’s most successful and popular poker professionals. “Not only will this innovative step create more buzz for the final table, the added time prior to the final table will help get poker mainstream media attention. I’m very excited about this decision and can’t wait to see it all unfold, hopefully from a seat at the final table!”

The 39th annual World Series of Poker will take place from May 30th to July 14th at the Rio® All-Suite Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas. The Main Event will begin on July 3rd, with the Final Table being determined on July 14th. The nine players who advance to the Final Table will return to the Rio on November 9th to play down to just two players. The final two, will go head-to-head late in the evening on November 10th to determine the champion and winner of poker’s ultimate prize. The winner of the Main Event is expected to be crowned in the early hours of November 11. ESPN will edit the two-day Final Table action and televise it in a two-hour program from 9:00-11:00 PM ET on Tuesday, November 11 just hours after the winner is crowned. This is akin to television coverage of the Olympic Games, where because of time zone differences, the telecaster schedules programs “same day” in primetime to provide the largest possible audience a convenient viewing time.

ESPN will begin its coverage of the 2008 World Series of Poker on Tuesday, July 22. Viewers will see two hours of original poker programming every Tuesday through November 11 (except November 4 when a special preview of the Final Table will be aired at 10 p.m.). Telecasts will be aired at 8 p.m. and 9 p.m. July 22 through September 30 and at 9 p.m. and 10 p.m. from October 7 through November 11. Each of the players who make it to the WSOP Main Event Final Table will receive ninth place prize money on July 14, when the finalists are determined. Harrah’s will then provide each of those players with an all expense paid trip for two for their return to Las Vegas in November to play the final portion of the tournament.

From July 14 to November 9, a span of 117 days, players will have an opportunity to line up sponsorships, coaches, review the play of all their competitors, participate in other tournaments, and take advantage of the new publicity and promotional opportunities that will be available.

Wild Roses
Originally uploaded by csquard

It’s an anxious yet exciting time for me, this end of April. I’m pretty sure I won’t be returning to the WSOP in a major writing capacity (you can find all of my poker articles and previous coverage here). There are still a couple of things that might take me to the Rio in the coming weeks; regardless, it will be a summer of sleeping at night rather than spending every waking hour walking amidst grinders hoping for their big score.

It damaged me on several different levels, my time there. It derailed my business, a huge block of time and energy that I’ve struggled to overcome since. It hurt some personal relationships with folks who I admire. It frustrated me, working feverishly with little to show for it.

The part I really enjoyed was working with people who were better than me at something I was learning, as well as helping others who were striving to hone their newly-found craft. Otis has always been the class of those at the WSOP the two years I was there, able to relate to everyone there with respect and professionalism. Amy won’t be back, but she was the rock star that I cautiously introduced myself to in ‘06 then got to work with in ‘07. Pauly was always encouraging me, taking the time to care about what I was doing when what I was doing wasn’t that relevant. Johnny kept me hopping and legitimized my vision of how we could do something different in the clutter that is poker coverage. Carmen was a breath of fresh air for me, and I’m so proud that she’s continued to sprint forward since last summer. She brightened my evenings when she would come in and we would chat about some angle that she could pursue. Of course, it was a bit of the blind leading the blind as I didn’t really know how to do whatever I was giving her direction on, but neither of us cared too much. Linda was able to keep me pumped up and going with encouragement and the late dinner.

Gene and Dan were great roommates to have last summer (OK, who am I kidding? I’m not actually sure if Dan lived with us!). I’ll miss the late night nachos with Gene and the easy conversations about all things life and nothingness. It was the first time in a very long time that I had a buddy who I hung out with yet didn’t spend every waking hour with. I liked it.

All of that said, poker coverage in general has some significant flaws. Due to Harrah’s inability to figure out a way to handle chip counts electronically in a cost-effective way, the PokerNews gang has to relie on manual counts as non-intrusively as possible. Due to Harrah’s inability to figure out a way to identify players, mystery men and women appear atop Day 2 leader boards magically, out of thin air.

The restrictions on live coverage and access is a complicated kettle of fish, something that other sports and competitions are confronting as well. The caste system created isn’t that big a deal, not unusual in any business setting with multiple companies present. The significant issue is that the limits of access, necessitated by the physical constraints that come with poker tables and players and small spaces, simply diminishes the quality of coverage and the perspective given to the the audience. Why is there an audience for ESPN, SI, Fox Sports, national news coverage, network sports, and niche media at events like the Masters, the Kentucky Derby, the Daytona 500, and March Madness? It’s because different media provide different coverage, different views and perspectives, and develop different stories.

The single biggest problem in poker media, in my opinion, is the lack of differentiation in what each outlet is trying to provide to the audience. Bluff/PokerNews has paid to provide hand-for-hand coverage and chip counts, yet other outlets dutifully try to out-do them. I don’t know of any other competition where one media outlet provides the facts of the competition nor where those facts are so difficult to capture. As they should, Bluff/PokerNews works hard to collect as many big hands and chip counts as possible. But the complexity that is a poker tournament is still difficult to nail down, so many moving parts, players surging up the leaderboard only to crash down later.

Bluff/PokerNews now has many more tournaments under their belt, and the fact collection should be the best to date. Will the coverage be the best to date from the media outlets there? It just depends on what the readers really want. CardPlayer seems to have significantly increased the quantity of players tracked and reported on during their WPT events, raising the bar and giving vital facts to friends and followers of many more players that the masses haven’t heard of.

ESPN, the biggest gorilla in the room, has done little to expand on their coverage over the last few years, aside from going to HD filming and showing more events. I really wish they would take a lead from the Masters coverage this year, where DirectTV showed five or six Masters channels (showing Amen Corner on one channel, as an example). There is absolutely an audience for more in-depth coverage, yet ESPN continues with their now formulaic presentation of big hands and their tired Poker Acts (e.g., Hellmuth et al), combined with “The Nuts” and human interest stories sprinkled in.

My most interesting experiment last year was when I spent 3-5 hours watching one player at one table. It was a dramatically different way to watch a tournament when you followed Nam Le at the beginning of a tournament, Jason Strasser during Day 2, Michael Binger down to three tables, Dario Minieri deep in the Main Event. Was it great coverage? I don’t really know, but it was something unique and different. I felt like I got more of a glimpse into how different players played at different times under different table situations. You started to get a sense of the poker that we’ve come to know and love online, being able to see people change gears, to have a VP$IP of 12% or 60%.

Actually, what I’ll miss most are the players. I’ll miss seeing a smile from a player who knows or recognizes me, like Cyndy or Ben Roberts. I’ll miss the people I got to know well, people like John Armbrust, Doug Kim, Jason, and Doug Carli. But I’ll really miss my buddies who were there making their run, like sprstoner, LJ, lucko, Fuel, Drizz, and the countless others.

Maybe I’ll sneak into one or two tournaments again this year and make my own run, get my first WSOP cash. Or maybe there is a new path for me this summer, one of normalcy and of excitement about the future and of looking for errant drives and of swimming with the boys.

(1 Gabe Kaplan, 2 John Armbrust, 3 Dario Minieri, 4 Jason Strasser, 5 Fuel and Spice Girls; all photos from 2007 WSOP–except the Spice Girls!)

Brandi Hawbaker RIP
Originally uploaded by csquard

I received an email from my buddy Linda at PokerWorks regarding the new tragic story sweeping through the poker world, the reported suicide of Brandi Hawbaker.

I had the opportunity to conduct a phone interview with her about this time last year, an interview which I did not publish. In retrospect, many of her answers seemed to be of what she hoped to become rather than who she was. She seemed to dream of functionality, of achievement, of glamor, of normalcy. It was telling that we spoke when she was in Florida rather than in Vegas or LA.

I don’t want to delve into any life lessons hers imparts for us. I didn’t know her nor have claimed to. I did reach out to her after she’d returned from the hospital during a tournament last summer, the IV bandages still on her hand or arm, I can’t remember which. She attracted attention like a moth to a flame.

CardPlayer article

Just in case you thought cream doesn’t rise to the top, here are a few highlights to the 19 preliminary events leading up to tomorrow’s $25k WPT Championship at the Bellagio:

• Event #13 ($5k NLHE): Michael Binger (1st, $317,280)
• Event #11 ($1.5k Ladies NLHE): Vanessa Selbst (1st, $182,200)
• Event #12 ($2.5k Seniors NLHE): Bill Baxter (1st, 138,900)
• Event #10 ($2.5k NLHE): Darrell Dicken (1st, $223,330)
• Event #8 ($5k NLHE): Toto Leonidas (1st, $189,400)
• Event #7 ($3k NLHE): Michael Mizrachi (1st, $154,960)
• Event #6 ($2.5k NLHE): Bill Baxter (1st, $149,755)
• Event #4 ($5k NLHE): Scott Clements (1st, $206,280)

The Five Star is really the pro’s pros tourney. On-site satellites fill the field with hopefuls, but this is really a redistribution of wealth plan among the tournament regulars, top cash players, and grinders hoping to catch lightning in a bottle. That’s a pretty stellar lineup of winners above. Vanessa is a sick aggro player when she’s on, one of my favorite pros to watch. Bill Baxter’s double up has to be super sweet as well.

I’ll be checking into the final event over the weekend.

I posted a hand yesterday that I played with Hoy early in the MATH. For those of you too lazy to click, here it is again:

FullTiltPoker Game #4863271790: Mondays at the Hoy (35910897), Table 1 - 15/30 - No Limit Hold’em - 22:07:49 ET - 2008/01/14
Seat 1: csquard (3,125)
Seat 2: pushmonkey72 (3,150)
Seat 3: SirFWALGMan (2,980)
Seat 4: Fuel55 (3,130)
Seat 5: pebble78 (2,940)
Seat 6: hoyazo (2,675)
hoyazo posts the small blind of 15
csquard posts the big blind of 30
The button is in seat #5
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to csquard [7d 2h]
SirFWALGMan: yay 78 is good!
pushmonkey72 folds
SirFWALGMan folds
Fuel55 folds
pebble78 folds
hoyazo has 15 seconds left to act
hoyazo raises to 90
SirFWALGMan: it was s00ted. I had a backdoor flush draw!!
pushmonkey72: da goot
csquard raises to 245
hoyazo raises to 735
csquard has 15 seconds left to act
csquard has requested TIME
Fuel55: rereresqueeze
csquard raises to 3,125, and is all in
hoyazo: gl guys
SirFWALGMan: this is a fun table
hoyazo calls 1,940, and is all in
pushmonkey72: oops
Fuel55: rerereresq
csquard shows [7d 2h]
hoyazo shows [Th Td]
Uncalled bet of 450 returned to csquard
*** FLOP *** [8h Jc 3c]
hoyazo: NICE
*** TURN *** [8h Jc 3c] [8d]
*** RIVER *** [8h Jc 3c 8d] [5c]
csquard shows a pair of Eights
hoyazo shows two pair, Tens and Eights
hoyazo wins the pot (5,350) with two pair, Tens and Eights
SirFWALGMan: lol
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot 5,350 | Rake 0
Board: [8h Jc 3c 8d 5c]
Seat 1: csquard (big blind) showed [7d 2h] and lost with a pair of Eights
Seat 2: pushmonkey72 didn’t bet (folded)
Seat 3: SirFWALGMan didn’t bet (folded)
Seat 4: Fuel55 didn’t bet (folded)
Seat 5: pebble78 (button) didn’t bet (folded)
Seat 6: hoyazo (small blind) showed [Th Td] and won (5,350) with two pair, Tens and Eights

Jordan asked me to put my two cents in, so what follows is the collective wisdom I have gathered in all my days of poker.

I won’t bore you with any actual stats and percentages first of all as I don’t have them in my brain. I will definitely go back to some site to figure out odds after the fact, but I won’t here as because it wouldn’t reflect my decision making. Let me also make a couple statements. I haven’t played any tourneys in quite awhile and hardly feel sharp. I have very healthy respect for Fuel at my table, feel Waffles isn’t going to get wacko crazy necessarily, and feel Hoy focuses very heavily on tournaments and will be looking to play second and third level good. This really meaning that I’m thinking with the table that he’ll be ready to mix it up and make plays on occasion.

This was the 12th hand of the event for us. Hoy had raised three hands in a row earlier, and he made it 90 to go with everyone folding to him in the small blind. I had 72o, and I must tell everyone that I don’t play the hammer. I understand it, but I simply don’t embrace it nor its power. I read his raise more as a positional, bullying type of raise, just take the pot with any ace kind of raise. I decide to pop him and take it down as I really don’t think he is going to call with much out of position. When he raises again, it definitely stops me in my tracks. I just don’t see him doing this again with aces or kings, especially with my raise. My thought was that he had the lovely AQ or a little pair and wanted to get it over with right there. I had decided to push but waited for the fifteen second timer to kick in. I do that most of the time when I have a big hand pre-flop when I’m four tabling 6-max. I assumed he could lay down anything but aces, kings, or queens there. I assumed wrong, he was ahead, and he took the pot.

Would I have called with tens? I really think it depends on if I was focused or not more than anything else. I actually think I’m calling with tens only when I’m not focused nor playing well in that spot. I’m sure Hoy had his reasons, but I really don’t think he had the odds to call there. I won’t go through all of the hands I could have there, but the options are pretty limited. Bayne left a comment that I’ve played AKs that strongly there, so that is definitely an option where he’s ahead. How often am I making this play with that hand vs. aces or kings? I’ll let better minds weigh in.

So I actually feel fine with my play at that point with any two cards. Hoy stuck his chips in with the better hand in a place I hope I wouldn’t have. I think really the only other qualifier in all of this is if Hoy thought I was just being a total dork and making a pure move. That is possible, to be sure, but I think it is much less possible when I haven’t been in the tourneys for so long, probably <5% of the time will I do this with an under pair or junk.

There’s all the wisdom I can muster regarding the re-re-reraise. All thoughts are welcome.

Hope everyone had a good weekend. Soccer Saturday, with the Big Guy (my ten-year old) scoring his first goal of the season. He really played well, which was nice to see. I coached his team’s practice Friday which was fun (after All-in’s practice, my eight-year old). We got beat 3-0, but we really played well against a superior team. 0-0 at halftime, then All-in was in goal for the three goals in the second half. Defensive lapses led to three goals, and he made some great stops (one with his neck which brought him out of the game). I got some sun. When you are an old fart (41), you aren’t as young as you used to be, which I never remember. I used to bronze nicely, now I burn nicely.

I was going to hold off another day with this post but I think the thoughts below are just very, very insightful. This is from the wife of a player and blogger, and her thoughts and feelings really hit home. C

Something to be read and re-read (or at least I have). Putting this up Sunday as no one ever comes here on Sunday plus I’m not sure how I’ll get online this week in G-Vegas. Furman’s food court has been the locale of choice for me, but I’ll have to see. Finally, my Monday Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, where I see where the links to my blog lead.

• Bloody P: You always know that he’s left a comment because of the dripping blood you have to clean up from your blog! His blog description is that he’s a newbie resisting the urge to push all-in with AQs. Look, if you live in Minnetonka, AQ is probably the best you’ll see in the Arctic, so jam.
• Poker Champ: Some bad beats in NeverBluff’s recent times, with a break-up caused in part by moving away from his never-bluff philosophy. Look, sometimes calling stations call your bluff, so you have to really pick the right time to bluff. It took me awhile to figure out cricket=darts and not cricket. One of the challenges in hitting a new blog for the first time. gl, neverbluff.
• Gambling Blues: BG is one of the elite bloggers, although I have to confess I’ve never been to his site until today. Titled Random Thoughts and Thoroughbred Selections, BG is buds with Pauly and the big dawgs, having been part of the Playboy Mansion crew.
• Steal the Blinds: I think three folks do this blog, jaxia, beck, and mike. Looks very interesting, so I’ll have to come back and explore. jaxia is a big believer in the hammer and quads, so beware.
• 21 Outs Twice: Chris Fargis is a pro from Brooklyn, home of Junior’s Cheesecake. I go to his blog fairly regularly, with his triple draw stories always making me thankful I don’t have a $70k bankroll and the desire to bluff guys for monster pots with a pair of threes.
• Nord’s Poker: nordberg is one of the online poker legends, a true master of the game. Any player who types “Well another good day for me. I won the WSOP $30 rebuy on Stars for another World Series seat…” has to be fairly good. Man, can you imagine typing those words? I think I’m gonna cry.

Have a great Monday. Think of me on the course.

Congratulations to our new buddy, Barry Greenstein, sitting in 2nd chip position at the final table of the WPT Reno World Poker Challenge. Barry is known as the Robin Hood of poker, giving his tourney winnings to charity, including Children, Inc.

My parents liked to think that our family was a Southern version of the Griswold’s from National Lampoon’s Vacation. Having escaped that time, I can tell you aspired to be the Griswold’s. My father once backed over his luggage before a road trip. We constantly drove 3 1/2 hours up the Natchez Trace, named by USA Today a couple years ago as one of the top ten scenic highways in the country. Well, there was one place to stop for a restaurant for two hours, in Kosciusko. For all you young whipper-snappers, this was before minivans, before one of the greatest innovations in childcare of the 20th century: bucket seats. No tape player, no CD’s, just one country station, listening to my parents sing horrible harmony to songs I hated. Plus my sister would put her foot on my side of the back seat. My parents went to see Merle Haggard in Tunica last weekend. While they were waiting, they ordered a drink while trying to watch the Memphis-UCLA game. They paid for the drink, only to have the bartender return their cash in change. So they stuffed five dollars into a video poker game, understanding that their drinks were free if they played. Mom catches a straight early on, then hits the button to wash it away (as she hasn’t figured out the whole push-the-button-to-hold-the-cards part of video poker, which is a fairly fundamental part of the game).

Alot of new visitors to the blog, and for that I say welcome. The Relationships and Poker series has really hit a hot spot as I think it effects all of us. I like to think I’ve been very smart and insightful, but I think you’ll find over the next week that this may not be exactly the case. I’ve invited fellow bloggers and wives to email their thoughts about poker. If you or your wife is up to this, please email your thoughts at csquard@yahoo.com. The first testimonial that we’re looking at is from a very popular blogger and his wife. I am keeping all of these testimonials anonymous due to the sensitive nature of these thoughts. Also, no editing on my part. I’m a big believer in capturing verbatims from people, as each word in context may have hidden magical meanings. A bit lengthy, but we’re not killing any trees here.

Blogger: I wish I had the answer for addressing balance. I call it a hobby; she calls it an addiction/obsession. As you say, the primetime time to play is evenings. I certainly try to wait until (our) baby goes to sleep (around) 8PM, and go from there. Usually, the plan is to watch some TV shows as that is something that she really enjoys. Pre-marriage, I hardly watched any TV other than sports and movies, but she came from a house with no cable so that is all she watched was network TV. I still try to prioritize all the family stuff about poker and that is probably where the disagreement will start. The funny thing is that I started playing poker due to her scrapbooking habits. That would take her away for many, many evenings and needed to find something to do. Free time, Chris Moneymaker, and voila, the poker monster is born. She still scrapbooks now, but not near as much (not to say that it is not alot). I’ve played 44 hours of poker this month (according to PT–21 March) which is a little bit of an aberration as I had a week’s vacation in there. So balance….I just try to balance family first. I don’t always succeed.

I’m sure some of those warning signs are present, especially shirking duties, but I tend to be pretty lazy when it comes to chores. If it wasn’t poker, it would probably be something else. Time spent on poker is another sign. We talked the other evening, and I asked her what we are not doing today that we did before. She couldn’t say as she likened it to what we did before our baby; you just don’t know. Anyway, I try to comeback and say that we are doing the same thing other than I don’t watch as much TV with you, and go to bed with you. I hear it from alot of guys that their wives just like for their husbands to be in bed with them when they go to sleep. I don’t know if it is a security thing, a bonding thing, or what. While I somewhat understand it, that is one thing that has changed. As you know, if we are going to play poker, after they have gone to bed is the best time.

Helpful hints? I’m turning the tables on you here because I don’t know. This is very much a sign of contention in (our) household. One kind of scary thing was that after I showed her your first part, she said that she didn’t feel as bad for some of the things that she was thinking. I didn’t pursue that much further, partly because I probably didn’t want to know and was afraid of where it might lead. We’ve been married for only five years, and I can truly say that they have been the five best years of my life. We agree and are similar in many ways; but those 10% of differences can often be a thorn in our side.

Wife: My thoughts on (my husband) playing poker: while everyone should have a hobby, I feel that his is an obsession b/c he does something with it every day, whether it be that he plays, blogs, analyzes his states, etc. It seems like it’s almost constant. He comes home and before dinner is on the table, he has to “check his email,” then it’s let me play for 1 hr THEN we can watch tv together, so to me it hurts b/c poker comes first before me and our daughter. Sure he “fits” us in, but I don’t like to be fit in. When I ask for help or for him to do something, he feels like I’m nagging him and has a rule that he’ll get to it in 24 hrs. Well father and husband responsibilities can’t wait. How about I say, “Let me wait 24 hrs before I make you dinner”–ya right. I do most of the household things around the house, helping would require him to cut into his poker time and it doesn’t happen (again priorities).

Warning signs recognized: -ADDICTION- every day, all hrs of the day. DISTANCE: I feel I have 1/2 hr at dinner to talk and discuss things, I feel like there have been more outbursts from him. TIME CONSUMPTION: I don’t need to say more, I would love to have a timer of his play, blog, etc. INFLUENCE: I don’t htink it has had an influence on our 2 yr old yet, but she sure knows where daddy’s computer is. ALONE: after reading this blog, I don’t feel as bad about the feelings I once had as a wife of a poker player.

I don’t have any helpful hints. I just try to pray about it and have God help me and our relationship.

Very heartfelt insight at the reality of poker for us, as well as the impact on our loved ones. Nothing from me on this, no play-by-play.

I do want to direct you to two of my favorite artists on my iPod. They don’t help with my agression at the table (I use my Funk playlist for that), but they are a great comfort. at times Sara Groves is from Minnesota and is a tremendous lyricist on faith in our daily lives. Take 6 launched the whole a capella boys band movement of the 90’s. They’ve won Grammies for Jazz vocals, but they are really, really great. Have a good day, and thanks again for visiting.

ADDENDUM: IGGY’s back with one of his great, lengthy posts about everything. Thanks for shaking off the funk and giving us the SportCenter of bloggers again! And Pauly’s cranking away (and pimping us here). I can’t imaging anyone who is here and doesn’t start the day checking him about, but get there anyways.

Some great comments from yesterday’s post on is poker a sin. I hope there will be other comments as you explore this for yourself. As I said yesterday, it is difficult finding people who share both my passion for poker and a similar faith that I have. I personally don’t struggle with poker as sin, but similar to others who commented I feel that it is a potential pathway to sin. This doesn’t mean it is unique by any stretch, but it healthy to recognize it as an area of risk.

I’d like to next address something related that may resonate more with folks who visit this site: the impact of poker on relationships. First, some background is probably important to set the context of my thoughts. I’ve been married to Sweetie for 15 years this August (name changed to protect the innocent). I have travelled heavily during major parts of our marriage (now closer to 10% travel from my 60-80% travel days). We have three boys, ten, eight, and twenty-two months. Sweetie is an introvert, has a BS in Chemistry and Chemical Engineering. She is probably the least materialistic person I’ve ever met (never had the chance to meet Mother Theresa). I buy most of her clothes for her as she hates to shop and can’t go in more than one clothing store without freaking out. We’re in a neighborhood of beautiful people, and Sweetie has a quiet, unassuming way that welcomes her into any group. I provide this more as a backdrop of where I’m coming from as I think it is difficult for me to step outside of the context of my marriage and experiences.

Having said that, I’d like to tackle poker and our personal relationships; specifically, our wives (for the ladies here, I don’t have a husband, so I’d rather not stretch my limited thoughts, but you can chime in). The name of this blog reflects my personal situation, that I play poker largely hidden from my wife. It is a topic that she doesn’t much approve of but tolerates. And is poker really dangerous to marriage and relationships? A couple of facts: 28% of Gamblers Anonymous members reported being separated or divorced because of their gambling. Divorce rates in Harrison County, MS (Biloxi/Gulfport) increased 300% after introduction of casinos. I understand gambling and poker are similar but different (unless you repeatedly play 87s or chase gutshots), but go with me here.

I’d like to break this into three areas that I’ll explore this week: why wives disapprove, what are danger signs in the relationship, and what can we do. Today, I’ll tackle the first topic.

Why Wives Disapprove

• Financial loss We all like to think that we are great and are winners, but no doubt each of us have either started by losing our bankroll or replenishing our bankroll. I think I initially lost online buy-in’s of around $2,000-2,500 or so before last December. In general, poker players like other gamblers are net losers. On the far end, addicts can lose it all, especially action junkies. Linda told me a story of a guy who was up some obscene amount in the craps pits, taking his payroll check and turning it into $200,000. He said that he couldn’t sleep for three nights until he had lost it all, wanting to take a chance at winning some serious money. Counties with casinos have 18-25% more bankruptcies than other counties.
  
• Addiction One thing most marriages can’t tolerate is uncertainty. If poker moves from either a hobby or even a supplemental income source to an obsession, then the pursuit becomes all-consuming. I assume we’ve all been there; at least, I have. Characteristics including playing at 5:00AM, using responsible time to play more (responsible time meaning time when you’re supposed to be doing something else). I’ve seen the abyss up-close before, and it is real. Especially for wives who don’t play or gamble, it is extremely difficult to understand any separation between responsible gaming and addiction. The default fear is that you’re married to someone akin to a drunk or drug addict.
  
• Becoming distant There is risk that we change when we become poker players. One of the easiest to spot is that we start to separate emotionally from our spouse. Why does this happen? Constantly thinking about playing, about losses, about the game we want to be at, about chasing or not chasing, about how to stay disciplined on hand selection, about how to master value betting when scare cards appear. There is so much to think about, so much to master, so much to read. And it is so difficult for us to see that we’ve become distant.
• Changing persona Related to becoming distant, more broadly, is that we just plain change from the wonderful guy she married. Maybe we become more arrogant. Maybe we become verbally abusive. Maybe we become insular. Maybe we quit doing the things we used to like to do. She not only loved the old you, but she liked the old you. Maybe now she’s not as sure.
• Time consuming The biggest reason I don’t get to play much golf (handicap between 9-12) is that it takes forever. Well, poker doesn’t take forever, but we play forever. Weekends. Nights. If you sneak in play during work, well no big deal. But how many hours a week do we have for our family? 60 hours maybe if you’re lucky? How many are we devoting to our pursuit? And of course, I never have any agreed-upon amount with my wife, so I’m slipping in a few hours here or there.
  
• Influence on children I called Sweetie for the last two, and this is the first one she mentioned. This I probably don’t understand very much. I mean, my eldest, first-born plays brilliantly. Maybe she means our middle son, All-In. I have not been able to influence his aggression at the table as he’ll come over the top of anyone at any time. OK, all kidding aside, I can understand this. These boys are precious vessels with absolutely unpredictable futures. I try to be a great father, a great buddy, a protector, a challenger, a confidante. Kids are sponges, though. My neighbor is verbally abusive to his wife–his kids are incorrigible brats and are on a path of dysfunctionality. Gray areas are difficult for kids. If they see their dad pursuing something, won’t they want to jump full-force at any chance? Who will they be in fifteen, twenty years? And did my poker play have a positive or negative impact on that?
  
• Secrecy OK, she didn’t mention this but agreed when I did. There is risk that poker creates a marital culture of secrecy. Bankroll management. Wins and losses. Time invested. What we’re doing with our time. This is a problem for me, although I know that for several of you it isn’t a problem.
• Becoming alone There are basically two ways that a poker player and their spouse can be apart. One is separation or divorce. The second is death. I don’t think the latter is a common concern, but consider this: in the first year after casinos were introduced in Biloxi/Gulfport, suicides went from 30 to 141. I’ve sat with more commonly the smitten guy; let me describe him. He’s a former lawyer, married with two kids. One died at 12 years of age. He’s now divorced, living in a ramshackle apartment, splitting time as a dealer and assistant tourney director at a Tier 3 Vegas casino. He’s made a run at playing professionally, taking time off from his job to play full-time and tourneys. He’s cashed once for $5000 or so. He’s asked me to back him, even as much as $100-200 at a time.

There may be other reasons wives disapprove, like secondary behavior changes (drinking more, chasing wild women). Again, this series isn’t meant to be judgemental; heck, I play poker, I love it, I like to think I’m good at it. This is an exploration for me of this topic which is very important to me regarding a passion I enjoy and the woman that I love. As a quick aside, I’ve always tried to stay true to one fundamental belief in marriage: that my wife is more important than my children or anyone else. This may sound a bit heretical, and by no means does it indicate that I neglect the boys. But I try to live this way. I mean, I like to think I’m all grown up now (at age 41), but I speak to my parents two-five times/week. I love them, but I have my own life. These boys will transition through thinking I’m a jerk, hating me, running off and doing things I disapprove of, making bad mistakes, bringing home hot girlfriends (OK, that’s more for me), having lots of daughters, and occasionally including me in their lives. And Sweetie? I hope I’m holding hand when I leave this world, and she’ll be as beautiful that day as when I first kissed her on her stairs in her parents’ house. So that’s my philosphy on marriage: put her first, do lots of little things to make her feel special, not because you have to but because why wouldn’t you?

Other posts in this series:

Relationships and Poker: Part II

Relationships and Poker: Part III

Relationships and Poker: Addendum A

Relationships and Poker: Testimonial I

Relationships and Poker: Testimonial II

ADDENDUM: Just so you know, Sweetie’s not perfect for sure. My wife snores and is, in a word, petty. OK, maybe two words, petty and controlling. How else can you explain her decision to ban me from going to Best Buy anymore? I need my fix!