It’s a rainy Monday morning, Thanksgiving week.  I’ve had a very, very busy year; a successful year on the one hand, disastrous on the other.  For three years, I lived a daily morning grind where documenting my thoughts and happenings was part of every morning’s start.  I’m hoping to sneak back to this.

For many, Facebook has become what these blogs were to me and many of my virtual friends.  The witty snark, rushing to see who was there and why (my comments are filled with every spammer known to man, so sorry about that).  I keep FB much like I’ve done for many new ventures like Twitter, just to see what the deal is so I have a clue.  FB seems to generate a good bit of negative thoughts and emotions in me, however.  I’m especially disturbed by people seemingly close to me or family who have big happenings in their lives yet omit me from even a random thought or chat.

No claims on any newfound discipline or aspirations for relaunching this site.  I did spend a good bit of money to move it to a new hosting service after it suddenly disappeared, so we’ll see if I do something with it.  I hope so, as I have a good bit of stuff to explore through for the rest of the year.

Hope everyone has a great, gloomy Monday.

I’ll start cryptically.  I’ve never felt as alone as I’ve been the last six weeks.  I’m not talking about loneliness, but of looking around and seeing no one in my corner.  And those closest to me had been oblivious to the situation and their role in it.

I’ll bore you later as to the causes.  I’ll delve briefly into where I traveled.  Alone-ness is not a good place, especially for someone who has spent large gobs of time out and about in hotels and on planes all over the place.  I traveled to a place where I pondered the future alone.  I became resentful for the first time in my life, and it wasn’t fleeting.  I’m assuming several weeks would indicate that, but I’m no expert in this.

You’d think I’d be like this in a time where my life was in ruins, especially in this economy and in this business that I pursue.  Quite the contrary, as I’ve had a new client that has had me driving five hours away every week since December.  In fact, that business success has been a contributor to this, this alone-ness.

This won’t be a megapost of IGGY-worthy length.  I don’t know that I have it in me anymore to pour it all out.  But I think it has to be part of it for me, this cathartic dumping of myself, to myself and those of you who have become and remained friends, whether vocal or silent.

I’m stuck here in an airport, alone in the crowd.

It’s been a very long, tough grind over the last few months.  I’ll dive into it, but just wanted to see if anyone still checks this out at all.

To me!!

I remember visiting blogs that never updated, always checking my links and bookmarks hoping to find some new nugget from a favorite site.  That’s what this site has become currently for me.  I’ll get back on the wagon soon, but I’ve had a combination of being swamped along with being distant from the site.  Being consumed daily with jotting down some struggle or wisdom has evolved into being not sure what to say.  It will come, but thanks for your patience.  I’m outside Charleston this week, working pretty hard day and night.

I’ve always been totally into Christmas, looking forward to it for weeks on end.  I was the bad kid who hounded parents into opening a present several days before Christmas, and I was down with Santa’s gifts way before the sun rose.  The last couple years, Christmas has been a time of stress.  The end of the year marks another year with my own business, without the security of a large company, often with a slowdown in consulting.  December has been a month I don’t much like anymore.

I feel like I’m in a better place this year.  There is more uncertainty about what the next twelve months will bring than any time in my life, no question.  Yet, I feel more at peace this holiday season.  I can’t answer why nor if it is justified.  But I will enjoy each moment of these next few days.

My prayers and best wishes go out to each and every one of you.  Cherish this time.

For the few people who have stumbled upon this site, I’ve always been known as one who will bare his soul at the drop of a hat.  I’ve drifted away from that, partly for lack of dialogue with others, partly due to a struggle I’m in the midst of.  I feel that I’ve slipped closer and closer to superficiality.  It’s complicated, and I’ve deleted about eight posts that I’ve written over the last few days.  That’s all I have for now on that.

I was taking a break when I stumbled upon a CNN video of President George W. Bush awarding the Congressional Medal of Honor posthumously to Army Pfc. Ross A. McGinnis.  His parents were on hand to receive the highest military honor our nation bestows on its men and women.

His story is a war movie cliche, that of the Private jumping on a live grenade to save his fellow soldiers.  There was absolutely no reason to take this action, this ultimate sacrifice.  It’s one thing for a General to trade a dozen lives to save a hundred with some military decision.  It is quite another for one man to trade his own life for four strangers who had become brothers.

His profile has a statement from his mother and father.  Could their be more poignant words than these of his parents shortly after his death?

“Ross did not become our hero by dying to save his fellow Soldiers from a grenade. He was a hero to us long before he died, because he was willing to risk his life to protect the ideals of freedom and justice that America represents. He has been recommended for the Medal of Honor… That is not why he gave his life. The lives of four men who were his Army brothers outweighed the value of his one life. It was just a matter of simple kindergarten arithmetic. Four means more than one. It didn’t matter to Ross that he could have escaped the situation without a scratch. Nobody would have questioned such a reflex reaction. What mattered to him were the four men placed in his care on a moment’s notice. One moment he was responsible for defending the rear of a convoy from enemy fire; the next moment he held the lives of four of his friends in his hands. The choice for Ross was simple, but simple does not mean easy. His straightforward answer to a simple but difficult choice should stand as a shining example for the rest of us. We all face simple choices, but how often do we choose to make a sacrifice to get the right answer? The right choice sometimes requires honor.”

An online slideshow shows photos of him as a newborn, with his siblings, as a Cub Scout, as a youth baseball player, with his family, and with his unit.  His MySpace page is alive and well, with best wishes from friends and fellow soldiers still pouring in daily.  He would have been 21 in a couple weeks.

Ross McGinnis.  I hope I remember his name and face for the rest of my life.

Alot going on with the new site, and it’s been a first month that beat my expectations.  The design launch has gone well, and we’re tweaking things as we go.  One of the really neat features is the ability to subscribe to C2Choices via email, which you may enjoy while you are working if you can’t spend time online.

I’ve also been working hard to sigh up new advertisers here.  I want  to be sure that they are only top notch companies, and I can vouch for them.  I won’t put them here if I don’t feel they have great products.

My favorite place to find chocolate in the world is Angelina’s in Paris.  My second favorite place is Ghiradelli’s.  I’ve been to their original store in San Francisco, as well as their spot on the Vegas Strip.  They get the top spot currently for advertisers, and they have a great deal of free shipping plus a special gift for any purchase over $50.

I’m a golfer, and I’m planning on playing more frequently this summer.  The Golf Warehouse makes a great partner to offer you all of the equipment you need.  Their new PING lessons can be downloaded onto you iPod, as well as can be viewed when you are ready to work on your game.  MiamiDon can tell you how important the little things are in golf.

I’m a Barnes & Noble customer (we were just there last night).   I’d recommend “The Last Lecture” by Randy Pausch as a great Father’s Day gift, but really any of these stores can help you find the right gift or secret pleasure for you!

Another long night last night unfortunately, with a good bit on my mind in work and life in general.  I headed to the basement sofa around 2:00 and found the 1968 version of “Planet of the Apes.”

Linda Harrison was the love interest of Charlton Heston (Taylor) in the film, and I saw the movie fairly early on (when their spaceship was in the lake).  I didn’t recall the early part of the movie for some reason, and I was sucked in for most of it (I ended up falling asleep after Taylor was speaking with Dr. Zaius.

The above clip was the famous scene where Taylor speaks in the midst of the apes for the first time, with the great line, “Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!”  After a long Google chat session with one of my soccer mom’s, it got me thinking that I’ve lost alot of the my ability to speak and have a conversation.

I’m a terrific presenter and speaker, having addressed a maximum crowd of a few thousand on some topic before.  I grew up as a fairly chatty guy when I was with people, full of confidence and unafraid to strike up a conversation with strangers.

Somewhere in the last few years, I’m simply stopped speaking words very much.  I prefer to communicate via email or these posts, don’t make very many phone calls, don’t create the opportunity to make presentations or speaking engagements.  I have conversations with my wife and our boys, but I’m guessing I speak out loud less than 5,000 words a day.  It may be closer to 1,000 actually (an interesting experiment).

Is this common?  This is no great epiphany on the state of humanity, as others have already spoken quite elegantly on the subject (see Bruce Schneier among others).  But what has this done to me on a personal basis?  Am I lesser because I don’t speak?  Are there long-term impacts to me?

Unclear, but I’d be very interested in the thoughts of others.  btw, the last scene in “Planet of the Apes.”